Since Adalyn was about 6 months old we've been asked when we will have another.
The older she gets the more real it becomes.
And the more scared I get.
Right now everyone around me is pregnant.
Seriously.
I can count on one hand who in my life is not pregnant.
I can't help, but get a pit in my stomach when I think about trying to get pregnant.
I don't want to try.
I don't want to be on that emotional roller coaster again.
I just want it to happen.
But when you're not on birth control and you're aware of your cycle...you know when you're fertile.
And 2 weeks later you know that nothing happened.
Even though you're not technically trying.
But on the other hand, the more important hand, I know that God is in control.
I remind myself every single day, multiple times a day, that He hasn't given me a spirit of fear.
{Which just so happened to be what our church sermon was about on Sunday- I felt like it was a nice reassurance for me.}
We are approaching the 2 year Anniversary to the Prayer Meeting that I believe the Lord healed me and opened my womb.
I know our faith was tested and strengthened.
But I really don't want to go through that again.
I know what we went through isn't even half as bad as what many do.
But a negative test is a negative test no matter how long you try.
I also know that it really doesn't matter what I want to happen.
What I plan.
I know that I can only do so much.
I know who holds my future.
I do take comfort in that.
This time I have the expectation that it won't happen right away so I know that will help too.
But I'm still scared.
I'm still dreading it.
I'm still trying really hard not to be fearful.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 is the perfect verse to get me through as we approach this "trying" season.
Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.
{The Message}
6 comments:
Hoping for the best of your dreams to come true!!! ;)
It really is the worst the whole trying process when you struggle with it. Try not to be scared. You did get pregnant once no reason why it won't happen again.
It really is so hard to not be fearful but I'm so thankful for our BIG God. He'll see you through!
I don't think there's anything I can say that you don't already know. What I learned from our previous loss and long wait, and what I'm sure you did as well, is that God's timing is truly perfect and that He does provide. I believe that He has reason and purpose for His timing and that it is better than our own timeline. Rest in that. He knows what He's doing. :)
I am really enjoying your blog!! I discovered it yesterday and find it very helpful.
I had a tubal pregnancy with my first baby and was afraid that I wouldn't be able to actually have a baby after that (there's a huge risk of a repeat, which would mean having tubes removed). Then, I had 2 chemical pregnancies. We got pregnant one more time and prayed harder than I've ever prayed in my life. That baby is my little Adam. He's 6 months and I quit my job to stay home with him. I fought hard for that guy and I plan to hold him as much as I can! Anywho...I do wonder if having a 2nd little love will be possible. We want more! ...but I'm afraid to hope for more and be disappointed. You're right though. God has a perfect plan. Prayers for peace coming your way.
Post a Comment