Thursday, June 27, 2013


Well, I'm officially back on the 2ww roller coaster.
Nearing the end actually.
If you don't know what "2ww" means... consider yourself very blessed! 
Not that I'm not blessed, because I so am.
But when it comes to fertility and the waiting game...2ww stinks.
Big time. 

It's filled with suspense.
Made up symptoms.
And wasted money.

I am a former POAS addict.
If you don't know what that means...see above. 

This month I'm trying not to be. 
And it's hard.
But I'm just not ready.
There's a fine line between being confident/hopeful and being doubtful.
Being optimistic and being real. 

I'm not expecting to get pregnant on the first try.
But I'm also not ready to see the negatives over and over again.

When trying for Adalyn I bought a big value pack of tests. 
You better believe I tested 6 days before I was due for my period every.time. for days.
You really better believe that I continued to test after getting my first positive
  a. for continued confirmation and 
b. it was so exciting to see two lines day after day.

I'm not ready to see the one line.
I'm okay with not getting pregnant in the first month- really, I am.
But a negative is a reminder that we are officially back on the roller coaster.

It's been a nice break. 

I wish I could turn my mind off.
I wish I could stop overanalyzing every.little.thing.

But I can't.

In the meantime,  I remind myself that my hope is in the Lord.
He knows my heart.
He knows the perfect time.
He will knit this baby in His time. 
He will.

For now, I'm buckled in and riding the ride. 
And thanking God for my first miracle that was in His time! 


Ashleyrose said...

We had a few months of the 2WW and it was torture! I was convinced every month was "the month". One month I was even a week late and it still was a big fat negative. In those few months I think I single handedly kept the pregnancy test companies in business lol
It turned out I was having some hormone imbalances and I was put on a pill to regulate them and was told to not get pregnant while taking the pill so we stopped trying. To our surprise we got pregnant.
I will be praying for you! I know this part is hard!

Mama B said...

Eeeek! SO exciting!! I'll be thinking of you and praying for you guys. I remember that 2WW and all the 'phantom' crap that came along with it. So. Not. Fun. I hope it's a short ride for you this time!

And, hopefully I'll be joining you on the ride sooner than later. We just need to move into our new house and I'll be ready to go! ;) Good luck! xoxo

Hilary said...

Good luck, girlie!

Beth Ann said...

Read your post today and it made me wonder how long it had been now that you've been trying. I thought I remembered you posting when you started trying this time around and was thinking it was summer so that's how I ended up here. Gosh, I can't believe it has already been around 7 months?! :( I am sure you can believe it though. :( I was so hoping it wouldn't take as long for you guys this time around. Keeping you in my prayers. I'm glad to see you are maintaining a positive outlook and trusting God is in control...and that you have a group of others in the same situation to help get you through!