Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Success.


In October I started posting a few pictures I had taken for friends and before I knew it I had people I had never met asking me to take their pictures. 
It all happened so quickly.
It felt like I was now running my own photography business overnight. 
It most likely felt like that because...that's how it was!
Funny how that works, huh?


During those fall months I was enjoying what I was doing, but I was struggling with the balance of being a working mom. 
Thankfully we were in a position where I didn't need to have a job.
And, I didn't want to have a job or my own company; it all just happened. 
It was hard for me when I was just a couple sessions in and I could see Adalyn's pictures getting pushed to the side because I needed to work on my "clients". 
I took the winter months off and prayed about what to do.
I ended up taking some newborn pictures {which I loved!} for a few friends and that only increased the demand.
As spring was approaching, I knew a decision had to be made.
I was told over and over that I had a gift.
That this was a talent. 
So I was feeling compelled not to waste it if it was a truly a gift.
I prayed about it some more.
Talked a lot about it with Mr. B and those close to me.
I decided to become more official- to have a website, raise my prices, have new packages and only shoot a few days a week with hopes that I'd be able to have more of a balance for the spring/summer season.

With just two months in {now}, I became overwhelmed.
I don't know how working moms do it. 
Finding the balance of being present, cleaning, cooking, enjoying, relaxing, playdates, family, friends, wife, mom and sleep is... hard. 

The fact of the matter is you really can't give both your work and your homelife 100%.
You can't.

It was always my dream to be a mom.
I honestly never dreamt of being a photographer.
It's still weird to say that I am one.
The more I edited and posted, the more people would contact me for their sessions and I would get overwhelmed.

Some people have joked around with me saying
 that's a business,
 that's success, 
that's how it works.
But as "successful" as my short-lived photography company was, it wasn't where I wanted to put my success.
It wasn't where I wanted to give my time and attention.
I was behind on the pictures that mattered most to me. 
The ones that I take of my moments to capture and freeze because they are going too quickly. 
The moments where I try not to blink because they're gone.
So fast.

As much as I love to bless others, and I will continue to do so for family and friends, the business aspect is not where my heart is. 
It's not where I want my time and energy to go. 

In this season of my life I'm called to invest in our daughter and Lord-willing, future children.
I'm not interested in making investments.
Although the extra money was nice, it's not worth it.
I'm happy with my decision. 
I feel relieved.
I feel a weight lifted.
I feel like I'm back in the game.
I love that right now it's 12:30am and I am documenting our life and not editing someone else's.

I have truly been blessed by blessing others.
I love how many clients have become new friends and I am thankful for the support that I know I will receive from those around me. 

I know the Lord has given me this gift and will continue to use me in other ways until I am in a new season of life where I could possibly pursue photography as a career.
Until then, I will continue to capture these precious moments,
because this is where my heart is.
This is my gift.

11 comments:

Tiffany said...

nicely articulated! it's tough to be a working mama--especially if that's not where your heart is. glad you're feeling relieved!

Joeylee said...

I get its tough balancing everything. A lot of people have told me I should be a photographer but I feel the same way, having 3 kids and trying to do photography would be just to hard. You made the best decision. You take amazing photos.

Sarah Gardella said...

girl I completely understand. I struggled with the balance as well when I was trying to grow my own company. I too decided that this is the season to focus on my kids. huge weight lifted

~Momma to Twin Girls~ said...

good for you! i love that you chose your family over money! You do have a talent but you can use that later! :)

Kristen Oudman said...

Those are tough decisions and being a mom of an 8, 6 and 4 year old one that I have struggled with as well. Not every good opportunity is the one that God has for you! You will have MANY years to use your talents and gifts to earn money, but I have come to realize that we have a small window of time with our kids that we will never get back and it's in that time that I choose to be fully here! It's not for everyone and that's ok, but I commend your willingness to really step back and see where you feel like your time is best invested!

Anonymous said...

Love, love, love this post :) Exactly why I had to leave teaching. t's a tough decision but you have to make it for yourself and your family. You are doing the most important "work" by being lucky enough to stay home as you wish.

Anonymous said...

You will not regret your decision. I too struggled with the same thing many years ago. I stayed home with our children (who are now adults and have children of their own) and I never was sorry that I made that choice. I love being a mother and now a grandmother. I am working outside the home now and I feel blessed that I was there throughout the years of my children's years at home. Bless you for the love you have for your sweet daughter and husband. You don't know me but I enjoy your blog. So refreshing.

Beth Ann said...

Happy for you that you have followed your heart with this decision. Keep your skills honed taking pictures of your baby and one day you can go back to it if you choose. :)

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Candice Cronan said...

So happy that you decided exactly what you want to be doing. It's a dream of mine to be a photographer one day but unfortunately I'm just not that good. I get maybe one great shot out of 50 & I still can't shoot in direct sunlight, but I'm still trying to learn.

Do you have any tips/advice? Whats in your camera bag? I have a Nikon D3100 with a 35mm f 1.8