Success.

In October I started posting a few pictures I had taken for friends and before I knew it I had people I had never met asking me to take their pictures. 

It all happened so quickly.

It felt like I was now running my own photography business overnight. 

It most likely felt like that because...that's how it was!

Funny how that works, huh?

During those fall months I was enjoying what I was doing, but I was struggling with the balance of being a working mom. 

Thankfully we were in a position where I didn't need to have a job.

And, I didn't want to have a job or my own company; it all just happened. 

It was hard for me when I was just a couple sessions in and I could see Adalyn's pictures getting pushed to the side because I needed to work on my "clients". 

I took the winter months off and prayed about what to do.

I ended up taking some newborn pictures {which I loved!} for a few friends and that only increased the demand.

As spring was approaching, I knew a decision had to be made.

I was told over and over that I had a gift.

That this was a talent. 

So I was feeling compelled not to waste it if it was a truly a gift.

I prayed about it some more.

Talked a lot about it with Mr. B and those close to me.

I decided to become more official- to have a website, raise my prices, have new packages and only shoot a few days a week with hopes that I'd be able to have more of a balance for the spring/summer season.

With just two months in {now}, I became overwhelmed.

I don't know how working moms do it. 

Finding the balance of being present, cleaning, cooking, enjoying, relaxing, playdates, family, friends, wife, mom and sleep is... hard. 

The fact of the matter is you really can't give both your work and your homelife 100%.

You can't.

It was always my dream to be a mom.

I honestly never dreamt of being a photographer.

It's still weird to say that I am one.

The more I edited and posted, the more people would contact me for their sessions and I would get overwhelmed.

Some people have joked around with me saying

 that's a business,

 that's success, 

that's how it works.

But as "successful" as my short-lived photography company was, it wasn't where I wanted to put my success.

It wasn't where I wanted to give my time and attention.

I was behind on the pictures that mattered most to me. 

The ones that I take of my moments to capture and freeze because they are going too quickly. 

The moments where I try not to blink because they're gone.

So fast.

As much as I love to bless others, and I will continue to do so for family and friends, the business aspect is not where my heart is. 

It's not where I want my time and energy to go. 

In this season of my life I'm called to invest in our daughter and Lord-willing, future children.

I'm not interested in making investments.

Although the extra money was nice, it's not worth it.

I'm happy with my decision. 

I feel relieved.

I feel a weight lifted.

I feel like I'm back in the game.

I love that right now it's 12:30am and I am documenting our life and not editing someone else's.

I have truly been blessed by blessing others.

I love how many clients have become new friends and I am thankful for the support that I know I will receive from those around me. 

I know the Lord has given me this gift and will continue to use me in other ways until I am in a new season of life where I could possibly pursue photography as a career.

Until then, I will continue to capture these precious moments,

because this is where my heart is.

This is my gift.