Pictures can be deceiving...Honeymoon Pt 3

July +

The Majestic Resort +

The Dominican Republic =

NEVER. AGAIN.

After our smokey, emergency landing, I am never sitting in an exit row again incident, getting off the plane and walking to the airport (a beautiful huge hut), getting our picture taken with native beach girls (like getting a lei and an aloha in Hawaii, but minus the lei and aloha), paying $20 a mandatory do not pass go until you pay situation (never given the picture and still don't even know what we paid for), the life-threatening taxi ride-- the kind with no speed limits, no pavement, no street lights, sharp turns and a driver that doesn't speak english-- we finally made it to our destination. As I mentioned before, I might be a pessimist and I might watch too much TV, so I can't help but wonder... how do we even know this driver is taking us to the right place and not going to steal us and kill us?? Fear not, in this case, he was the right driver and he did get us to our hotel. Although it was very possible he could've unintentionally killed us. I won't say it was the safest, most comfortable drive I have ever been on, I think I was white knuckled and holding my breath the whole time, but he did get us from point A to point B and that's all that really matters. FYI: A taxi ride needed in order to get to my destination creating panic as to whether or not I will even make it to my vacation... is not worth it for me, especially this vacation.

This all-inclusive resort had a lot of potential. Key word: Potential.

A "butler" aka a guy that shows you your room on the first night and is never to be seen again

.

The ability to choose the type of pillow and aroma of your room (Does this really matter? No. But when given the opportunity and excitement of a tempur-pedic pillow and vanilla lavender aroma and it never happens, is indeed a let down.)

An option to pick a day and time to have your bubble bath with roses ready when you return to your room. Apparently Tuesday night at 9 PM means never.

We are thankful for the pictures that give us the illusion that this was in fact the honeymoon of our dreams. Maybe one day we will forget how it really was.

It was SO. incredibly. hot. Felt like you were walking behind 193,785,785 car exhausts. A giant bubble of heat that literally takes your breath away. Sweating as soon as you step outside your door. No use in straightening your hair, the second you go outside curls and waves you didn't even know you had appear out of nowhere.

We discovered that a cheap all-inclusive resort does not use their money on good and/or American food. Typically, when in doubt, you can rely on room service as your last resort for a relatively decent meal. Not at The Majestic, unless you are craving an uncooked burger--which we still don't think was hamburg, but I'd rather not think about that.

Dinner # 1. FAIL.

Dinner # 2. FAIL.

Dinner # 3. $7 bag of Cheetos...success?

The cabanas were wonderful for approximately two whole seconds. Perfectly placed next to the pool to cool down...oh wait the pool felt like a bath. Never mind.

We thought maybe it would be cooler down by the beach. Finding a nice spot under the palm trees, Mr. B went and got us some drinks while I relaxed and people watched (one of my favorite things to do). It didn't take long for me to realize how perfect- we are on a topless beach! For some reason, other women's ta-tas splashing around in the waves and soaking in the sun while taking a stroll on the beach wasn't exactly what I had dreamed for our honeymoon. So I packed up our stuff and headed back to the bathwater pool. We ended up spending a lot of time in our room with the AC blasting (until it broke and we thought we might die) because it was so unbearable to be outside in the heat.

We made the decision that a float was needed in order to make our stay a little more enjoyable. Apparently it was a great idea because turns out every shop was sold out of floats. Why? Because it seemed to be the only source of survival.

That night we were walking back to our room from dinner and there, right before our very eyes, was a float with no owner! There was not a single soul in sight so we were certain God placed it perfectly in our path. We couldn't believe it. We may not have been 100 percent certain it was from God or we probably wouldn't have been so stealth: taking a different route back to our room, doing the fast walk, but trying to look as casual as possible while wearing dress clothes and carrying a huge pink float.

I was so excited, hence the over cheesing face. Not gonna lie, I was also a bit thrilled that the float was pink therefore a limited amount of sharing with Mr. B was necessary. If that's not God taking care of his daughter, I don't know what is.

The rush of stealing God sending us the float remained for the rest of our stay (two extremely long days). Somehow someone was going to know this was their float that they lost. Out of fear it became our new best friend. Our shadow. Never left our side.

We thought about doing an excursion, something to mix up our day. This little ride looked like fun. Turns out it's a 5 minute ride for about $50. Let me remind you that $50 in newlywed money is about $5,000. $5,000 for a shark to think I am bait for 5 minutes. All set, thank you.

A picture lasted longer and it was free. Yes, my middle name is bargain.

The question of the day was why pay for that when there is a free water aerobics class going on at our pool??Pretty much a no brainer and yes I convinced Mr. B to do it with me. Sorry, no pictures.

Notice the shiny faces in every picture. The heat and humidity was no joke here in the Dominican. This was our last night here, those are smiles of relief. I understand it is hard to believe there was so much dissatisfaction when there are palm trees, sun and pina coladas everyday, but you will just have to trust me.

Our last dinner was actually our first decent meal, we ate at a Japanese Steakhouse. On our walk back to our room we passed another couple. The woman and I were wearing the exact same dress. We noticed. We looked away. We kept walking. Her husband stopped walking and decides to blurt out "Hey you two are wearing the same dress!" We act like we had no idea, we exchanged some comments about the dress, it was extremely awkward and the walk continued. Note to guys: There is a sense of awkwardness and embarrassment to be wearing the same exact thing as another woman.

Everyone is probably thinking we are the snobbiest couple in the world. Maybe we just aren't experienced enough in cross-cultural lifestyles and food. Although, we have been to Mexico, Romania and the Ukraine for missions and survived, but maybe that's because we were supposed to be roughing it out so it's a totally different mindset. Who knows... but I'll make it known, I am very simple when it comes to food-- give me chicken fingers and fries and I would have been content in the food department (which would then effect (affect? I will never understand the difference) my self-esteem because fried food everyday + bikini...not the best mix). Having been to some resorts in other countries we expected them to be more Americanized with the all the signs, menus and food, but expectations certainly got the better of us.

Unfortunately, food and weather from hell wasn't our only problem. As you saw in the picture at the beginning of this post...we were Honeymooners. Apparently this sign should have been in Spanish as well since we had Mr. Bug Guy & Ms. Cleaning Lady walked into our rooms 4 times!!! Yeah...4 times!! Yeah...on our honeymoon!! We may or may not have been honeymooning (once again- you're welcome for the visuals). Now Mr. Bug Guy came at about 10 PM, he knocked on our door. door was locked. we were busy. we ignored it. He walked in. "Spray foh bugs??" umm...how about "Pay foh privacy?!?" Horrifying. So good to know that a. employees have access to get into rooms even if they are locked and b. there is a need for them to spray for bugs every night. Comforting . Eventually we learned to get to the door in time, if possible, or to quickly hide under the covers and pretend to sleep.

By day 4 we were beyond hungry and having horrible stomach aches/digestion/bathroom problems from whatever food we did consume while at the resort. We were ready to go home. We honestly did not think we would make it 4 more days. With only 1 day to be with family before our move to FL, we realized the time we were having was not worth missing extra time with our family. We were able to change our flights for a ridiculous fee of $150 per ticket, bought them at 12 am on Wednesday and left about 6 hours later that morning. Yes we paid $300 to leave our honeymoon, yes we used some of our wedding money, yes in newlywed money that is about $30,000 give or take--it was that bad. Even better we paid that much money for a tiny, little propeller plane, in the last row (row 12), right next to the well-ventilated bathrooms. But none-the-less we were ecstatic to be leaving the Dominican Republic.

Ahhh...finally real American food-Chinese!

We definitely had an unforgettable honeymoon, and we will just have to have a second honeymoon one day to make up for this one- fine with me!

I will never live down that I wanted Caribbean and palm trees over an Alaskan Cruise like Mr. B.

Shortly after arriving home we were visiting with some friends. We told them about our trip and our current digestion problems. They informed us of some people whose stomach took six months to recover. July + The Majestic + The Dominican= Never. Again.

Emergency Exit Row..Honeymoon Pt.2

Mr. B is 6'1, I am 5'1. To give you a better visual--you may be scared to visualize anything I say after the sweat dripping butt scenario--Mr. B's legs begin at my belly button. So it's no surprise that Mr. B and his long lanky legs salivate, except not really because legs don't salivate, at the opportunity to sit in the exit row on the airplane. With my stubby little legs, I don't quite get this desire to sit in a row where you have to stand up to get your gummy bears, chips, raisinets, People, US weekly and OK! magazines (yes, I realize they usually have the same information and pictures, but I don't want to miss a better picture that might show Kim Kardashian's cellulite in a better light). Oh yeah and maybe the fact that YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYONE'S LIFE ON THE PLANE.

July 25, 2009 we begin boarding for our honeymoon. Mr. B hears that the exit row is open and he so kindly request that we change our seats. I'm thinking they should have a new rule that if you are not 15, if you look like you're 15, or if you don't look like you can save everyone in case of emergency then you should not be allowed to sit in the exit row. Let's just say, if I was you I would not place your life in my hands in during an emergency.

As we walk down the jetway, I'm grumbling about the decision he made to put us in the exit row. Reiterating the fact that I hate bearing the responsibility to save everyone's life. Maybe having some selfish thoughts about how my man is going to save ME if WE are saving OTHER people while possibly losing our own lives somewhere along the way. In case you haven't caught on...I'm kind of a pessimist. Mr. B reassures me that "Nothing ever happens. We will be fine." Maybe if I had Inspector Gadget legs like he did I would understand the risk of lives for leg room.

About an hour into the flight we hear this really loud beeping noise eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (a nice, high pitched, steady sound) for about 15 minutes. Maybe they should mention this sound in the safety videos because none of the passengers, including myself or Mr. B, were phased. Just a little heads up that the smoke alarm sounds like this eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee would have been helpful in this situation. Or maybe not because it would've increased the panic pretty significantly.

Attention was drawn as the flight attendants began to run up and down the aisle. Just as I had a mind blowing discovery that I too could have the same self esteem and love for my cellulite as Kim if it was airbrushed (deny it all you want, honey) in every picture, the flight attendent makes an announcement.

"Everyone feel around your seats, windows and floor for smoke!! If it's by you press the flight attendent button!"

Um...flight attendant lady say what?? The smoke alarm is going off, you can't find the smoke, we are over the Atlantic (kind of made that up, geography isn't my strong suit) and I am in the EXIT ROW?!?

As you can imagine, Mr. B was most likely receiving the evil eye from his lovely bride, as passengers were freaking out. I, on the other hand, kept repeating, "Who's gonna be on the island with us? Who is gonna be our leader? What do we have to fight off the "others"?" Except at the time we weren't even into Lost (How is that even possible?? What were we thinking??) so that is not what I was saying. Sidenote: Over Christmas we became addicted to Lost watching all 5 seasons back to back to back, we couldn't stop... hence the addiction--I wasn't exaggerating. So on our flight back to FL these were legitimate thoughts we had while at the airport. Anyways back to our honeymoon flight, it went more like, "I'm not saving anyone. I'm not saving anyone. What will happen if I don't save anyone? How will they know if I don't save anyone? Will they sue me? I'm not doing it. Nothing ever happens..."

The pilot comes on the speaker and tells us that we are having an emergency landing and they can not find where the smoke is coming from. Apparently since we were in the middle of the ocean, the closest airport was Boston...where the flight departed...45 minutes away.

Thank the Lord, we made it safely! As we get closer to the runway we see about 5 firetrucks and a bunch of firefighters that swarm the plane as soon as it lands. Nothing says "Welcome Back" like that.

We go back in the airport to figure out what they were going to do with everyone on this flight. Well of course, there is no other way to handle this situation than to CANCEL this trip. My hero hunk of a husband goes to the nearest flight desk and we find out there is only ONE other flight heading to the Dominican and there are only TWO seats left. It was a real life "Amazing Race" moment. Man, the rush!

We find out our flight made the news, we get on the next flight, make sure we are NOT in the exit row and end up getting in earlier than expected. If only we would've realized this was a sign of things to come...

Best Reception..EVER

Reception.

Highlight of the night.

I LOVE to dance.

Priority #1 for wedding: GOOD DJ!!

Success.

Cupcake Tower (Mr. B's favorite and he didn't get one...he will never let that go)

Candy Buffet for favors

My little Martha Stewart side made an appearance w/ the card box

Took a few dance lessons, first dance to

"I Thought I Loved You Then" by Brad Paisley

Tables had to sing a song with "Love" in it to make us kiss.

Less annoying than glass tapping & lots of fun!

Absolutely no idea what we were doing,

but let's pose and pretend we do

All my singles ladies and their priceless faces.

Girls, you do know that just because you catch it

doesn't actually mean you're next, right?

Party Time!!

Reminder of why my dress was so tight.

You know it's a good Conga Line when the waiters are joining in!

If only they could see that these girls are not in fact enjoying the booty action they are so kindly flaunting their way, but rather a look of disgust and panic.

Girls & Dancing.

Guys may never understand.

Wondering what the dance floor has brought out in their sister.

In my defense, the dance floor is proven to have powers that make you feel as though it's just you and the music, regardless of how ridiculous you make look--all moves are justified.

Yes, I look like I am really feeling the lyrics to this song. Which may be the case if the lyrics went something like "I am so mad at you. Why can't we stay 30 minutes longer. Everyone else still gets to dance. I hardly ever get the chance to dance. You know I love dancing. This is once in a lifetime. I could punch you right now." (Yes, I say that a lot occasionally when in anger. More like a threat than an action...although it usually doesn't get me very far. Note to guys: this isn't the best way to start off a romantic evening.)

Mr. B's song may be going something like " We You have already danced for 2 hours. The hotel is 45 minutes away. Let's not waste any more time. We need to go NOW." Add a couple Oooo, Ahhh, a harmony and guitar solo and that was the song to the end of our reception.

Here I am, on the verge of tears (pretty much the theme for the day), but this time out of excitement, anger and sadness. Yup, all at once. I am that talented. I was in disbelief that:

1. The night was over...but it didn't have to be I still had a paid 45 min with the DJ

2. This was good-bye to everyone that came from far away

3. I didn't get to hug anyone or say bye to my family who I wouldn't see for a whole week (ended up being less than a week-- Honeymoon Pt 2 coming soon!)

4. I had to leave early... Did I mentioned I am a grudge holder and may still be dealing with this traumatic event??

The Honeymoon ....unforgettable. Part 1

Needless to say...

We left on the 4th day, 3 days early.

The locked door meant "Come in" (to the cleaning people!)

We were on the verge of starvation extremely hungry.

We will never go back again.

Unforgettable.

More stories to come this week!

More Ceremony Pics

Ok so I apologize that the font is so small. It isn't when I am writing these, but only when I post it so I still need to figure that out. AND it was harder than I thought to put pictures where I wanted them (I had no idea so much skill went into this thing!) so this post will be of some more pictures that I wanted to post, but was too lazy to drag down into the right place on the previous post! I think I need to upload the pictures THEN write...who knows! One more thing the quality/coloring of these pictures are much better than they appear here and we had a great photographer: KAB Photography.

The Ceremony

We got married on Friday July 24, 2009 at 6 PM.

Everyone warned me how fast the day goes by, to enjoy it, to not get caught up in the little details…

1. That is the absolute truth!!

2. Easier said than done.

It rained all day (yes they say that is good luck, but c’mon brides aren’t stupid. We know that is just a way to make us feel better before we turn into the number one candidate for Bridezilla!). Thankfully, we did not have to worry about that; our prayers were answered and right when the limo pulled into the driveway there were blue skies and sunshine!

Mr. B and I are total opposites (more details on that in another post) and it proved true even on our wedding day.

I was hiding behind the doors waiting for my cue. I was so nervous. Believe it or not, I hate being the center of attention, so having everyone watch my every move as I strolled down the aisle...no thank you. Never mind the fact that my eyes would overflow with tears the moment any one hugged me...or touched me…or said my name…or looked at me. I didn’t get a lot of sleep and it was an emotional day, ok? I think I was justified to be a little unstable in the

emotion department.

But, as soon as I made it to the alter I took Mr. B’s hand and took a deep breath and ahhh I was relaxed and enjoying the moment. I was smiling, laughing at little funny things (a.k.a things gone wrong. It was laugh or cry, I had to pick my battles) and I was looking forward to getting my groove on (dancing at the reception) after the ceremony. Mr B on the other hand was a different story…

Now, I love my husband dearly, but during the ceremony you would of thought he was standing in front of the guest butt naked. Side note: I got a card from my friend once that had two old ladies sitting on a bench asking each other if it was “buck-naked” or “butt naked”. Funny card. Still don’t know the answer.

I was trying (eye contact and hand squeezes) to get him to lighten up a little. He was so serious the WHOLE time! So there were few smiles exchanged and a very fast first kiss as husband and wife. Why?? Great question! Turns out he was worried everyone could see the sweat dripping down his butt. Lovely. How’s that for a visual? TMI. I apologize.

All in all the ceremony was great. There were a few things that didn’t quit go as planned (other than Mr. B not wearing enough deodorant), but I think I am the only one that noticed. Although we both think it lasted about 5 minutes tops, we accomplished the important things.

Hindsight:

I would've had my mom not put my dress quite so tight. Although with a strapless dress there were other fears and wardrobe malfunctions I was trying to avoid, I am not a huge fan of my armpit flab that so beautifully made an appearance squeezing out of the top of my dress. Exactly what I did NOT want to happen and notice in every picture.

As far as the ceremony goes one major thing I would’ve changed is the picture time of just Mr. B and I. I would’ve gone against tradition and had our pictures taken before the ceremony. I think our initial reaction still would’ve been captured, probably even better than at the ceremony seeing as Mr. B was having some sweat overload problems. We would’ve had a lot more time to get good pictures of us doing more poses and at different locations. I am sure if you ask Mr. B he would have a different opinion and thought we took more than enough pictures and why in the world would we need more than 15 minutes?? But, hey what the bride says goes, right? We were just SO rushed doing it after the ceremony before the reception, but thankfully we still managed to get some good shots.