Lately I've been struggling.
Partially due to social media.
Partially due to the way my brain works and how I over analyze everything.
When we were trying to conceive I was bitter- pregnancies were being announced left and right.
When I finally got pregnant there was a constant fear of having a miscarriage- I was reading it everywhere.
When she was born there was a paranoia of childhood cancer- stories were always popping up.
When I fed her formula there was judgement and justification and the appearance of not being a "good mom".
And lately, I've been struggling with the bar.
Not the bar that is set to where she "should be".
The bar that is set to where "other" kids are at, in the social media world I'm surrounded in, therefore that is where she "should be".
Facebook is great.
Blogs are wonderful.
I am so thankful that I have milestones documented.
From trying to conceive to pregnancy to 8 months old {where I slacked off big time and I'm now disappointed that I didn't keep up!}.
Because of the simplicity and awesomeness of blogs they'e now become a virtual baby book-a place to post every.thing your child is doing for everyone to see.
But, they are often times hard for me to read.
Sometimes it's because it stirs discontentment in my life.
Sometimes it's because the grass is greener.
Sometimes it's because it's too much for me to handle and it feeds a fear that is not from the Lord.
And sometimes, like in this season of my life, it creates an unwanted, unneccessary comparison of my child to another child.
Some are talking.
Some are signing.
Some are potty trained.
Some know their alphabet.
Some know their states.
Some know their shapes.
Some know their colors.
Some know their countries.
Some can read.
Some can write.
Those things are great.
Really, they are.
And, of course, I would be proud if it was my child, too.
But what I find happening is that I become frustrated or concerned when Adalyn isn't doing x, y and z.
I get angry when she throws her flashcards instead of pointing out the animal and the letter.
I get irritated when she puts all the colored stars onto the page instead of choosing one and matching correctly.
I lose my patience when she purposely presses the wrong button on an educational ipad game because she likes the sound that it makes when it's the incorrect answer.
And what I seem to be forgetting is that Adalyn is made in the image of God.
She was perfectly and uniquely knit together in my womb by our awesome Creator.
He made her exactly who she is.
And I need to- more than accept- I need to embrace where she is at today.
Right now.
To think that at least she is almost potty-trained and can say and whine and scream and repeat 1,000 times a day Mama.
To think at least she's got that going for her....
It's wrong and it's ridiculous.
She is loved.
She is loving.
She brings us so much joy.
She is sweet.
She is caring.
She is silly.
She is observant.
She has the craziest bedhead.
She loves to give hugs and kisses.
She loves to praise Jesus.
She has an expressive face.
She loves to read books.
She loves to dance.
She loves to laugh.
She loves animals.
She loves to play outside.
She loves to get the mail.
She loves to eat.
She loves her giraffe, blankie and paci.
She loves to say "hi".
She loves to help me sweep.
She loves her car and her wagon.
She loves to swing.
She loves Curious George.
She is obsessed with babies.
The list could go on and on about how great she is and how much I love her.
It's not fair to her for me to be comparing her to "the bar."
Before Adalyn's 18 month check up, I was telling Mr. B how they were going to see how smart she is- what body parts she knows, how many words can she say etc. We estimated how many words we thought she was able to say and that night I went to bed worried.
What if it wasn't enough?
I feel like she is a little delayed.
Her speech isn't very clear, but I can usually decipher what she's trying to say.
So I made a list and I decided it would be more accurate to say she can say/uses 25-30+ words a day.
I get to her appointment and guess what?
The doctor asks me if she is pointing to things.
She asks if is able to demonstrates things that she wants.
If she can follow simple directions.
She never asked about the number of words.
She didn't care about states or countries.
Alphabet or numbers.
Colors or shapes.
And you know what else?
The paper the Dr. gives at the end of the appointment, under the "What I Can Do Now" section, said: speak 8-10 words.
8-10.
The bar- the social media childhood development bar- is too high.
Adalyn's appointment was perfect.
And it wasn't because she knew or didn't know.
It was because she was healthy, happy and growing.
The things that other kids can do are awesome.
I believe some kids thrive more in certain areas than others.
It's just how God wired them.
But I forget that some days.
It's important for me to remember that she is only 18 months.
The bar tends to be getting set higher and higher and it's so easy to push aside that fact that although she's not really a baby anymore...she is just a baby.
She's not even 2.
I need to let her be.
She's my sweet girl, a child of God, who will learn all these other things in time.
Right now- what she really needs to know- is that she's loved.
And she does.
And that's what matters most.
