Sometimes I am extra thankful for little sisters because it gives me the opportunity to see some shows and or movies that might typically be called "not normal" for my age. It allows me to watch/listen to shows and music that I might be embarrassed to do on my own. Like going to a Cheetah Girls concert or seeing the Jonas Brothers Concert in 3D for example. Okay, Okay....let's be real, I don't take them to such things just so I can be The Best Big Sister. It's very possible I might have an ulterior motive for my own entertainment and viewing pleasure. It allows me to still watch Full House, dance to Justin Bieber and of course still eat at my favorite pizza place, Chuck E Cheese {although, I had my 20th birthday party there w/o the little siblings, so I guess I can do that on my own}without anyone knowing that I actually enjoy such things .
The Biebs is all the rage right now.
My little sisters have caught the fever.
They needed someone to take them to his new movie,
and they practically got down on their hands and knees begging me to go.
As I mentioned earlier this week, on Saturday our church had a day of prayer and fasting.
I was looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time.
I was prepared to be so hungry that I would feel nauseous,
I get hungry on Sunday mornings after the service never mind not eating for 24 hours!
Mr. B and I had a big dinner at Longhorns to try and fill us up- which I am sure is exactly what they did in the Bible too btw.
I am assuming that is probably one the things you're not supposed to do before a fast,
maybe it's a dinner that makes you more hungry the next day.
I don't know.
It just typically seems like good food is usually bad for you in some form.
That's the way life works.
Anyways, aside from the no eating {I brought gatorade and different flavored gums},
I was dreading the tears that I knew would come.
In front of everyone.
We go to a small church of just 40-50 people, on Wednesday nights they have prayer and since September I have been putting off going
a. because I am tired
b. I was hoping that next month I would be pregnant and not have to go.
There was always a next time.
This Saturday was a full day event and one that they really urged everyone to attend.
So this was it.
Two nights before, we found out some information about a family member that really broke us down and created for a very emotional night.
It was sort of one of those cycles were you go from shocked to angry to jealous to sad over and over.
I didn't cry that night though.
On Friday I felt I needed to cry, the tears were right there.
I didn't want to stuff them in anymore,
but I was watching the babies and it wasn't the right time to cry.
So as you can imagine, come Saturday...I was a mess.
By the first worship song the tears were coming.
I was dreading this.
I'm an ugly crier.
I hate crying in front of people.
But my tears were coming and I couldn't stop them.
I wished I would've gotten them out before so that it wouldn't be all bottled up and in overdrive.
But I didn't.
Through these tears,
through worship,
and through prayer,
I was really challenged to stop asking "Why?"
"Why me?"
"Why her"
"Why is it taking so long?"
"Why does it say He will give you the desires of your heart?"
"Why does it say Ask and you shall receive?"
"Why do I always see everything as the glass half-empty?"
Instead, I need to start asking
"What is the Lord trying to teach me?"
"How can He use me through this?"
"What am I learning?"
I need to find hope and encouragement through the scriptures, instead of doubt.
Instead of thinking...my desire hasn't been fulfilled.
My request hasn't been answered.
In my time.
That's the key.
That's the part I hate.
That's my sinful nature.
I want it now.
I want it in my time.
In my plan.
Not in the God's perfect timing.
And I know I have heard it a million and one times.
I know in my heart it's what I truly believe.
But it's time to believing in my mind.
And my actions.
And my words.
There was a popular scripture that kept coming to my mind on Saturday.
Phillipians 4:7
"Peace that passes all understanding"
A phrase that I have heard numerous times.
A phrase that I have said over and over " I have peace knowing that the Lord knows what's best". Blah. Blah. Blah.
But when you think about how powerful those words are.
How true they are.
That the Lord allows us to be clothed in that peace.
The peace that comes even when we don't understand.
Even when it's hard to understand.
Our plans are not always His.
Our time is not always His.
But he has blessed us with a blanket of peace for when those times come.
It's always there.
We need to be open to receive it.
To fully bask in it.
It has been so refreshing.
Shortly after my eyes were opened in that aspect,
it was time.
Time for those who wanted prayer and/or healing to be prayed for.
The tears had previously been flowing.
I was finally put back together.
But not for long.
I was prayed for during the song "Healer".
One of my favorites.
How can any not cry to that song in a setting like this??
Those who were praying were crying.
I was sobbing.
My mom was crying.
That's how crazy this was. Mama G never cries!
I tend to thing I got double the dose of emotions for the both of us.
I am so blessed to be a part of the body of Christ.
To have people in my life who cry out to the Lord on my behalf.
To not just pray that I will get pregnant now.
That the Lord would open my womb now.
But to do it in His time.
To declare that it would be in His time.
To pray for strength, comfort and of course, peace.
So as much as I hope with all my heart that this is where I needed to be.
As much as I believe in the power of prayer.
As much as a long for this to be the month.
I know that if it isn't I will be strong.
I have accepted that peace that passes all understanding.
I will continue to search deeper into what it is the Lord wants from me now.
To be content with where he has me now.
And to be all that he has called me to be.
When I am so focused on what is not happening, the merry go round of emotions, looking at the glass half-empty, filled with bitterness and jealousy;
I am taking away from all the Lord has called me to be.
All He has created me to be.
All the He can use me for.
So that is my book,
if you've made it this far- congrats!
I will be honest, I tend to skip over a lot of long posts like this.
But I hope and pray that it can also encourage some of you, too.
It is always so cool when the Lord reveals new things to you,
even when it's not always a new concept.
It's rejuvenating and exactly what I needed.
I felt like in a way I was running away from the fact that this was really happening.
Searching for ways to fix it.
When what I need to do rejoice in the question "Why, God?"
But I just had to share my most recent accomplishment with you.
It appears that I am not just able to provide a creation for baby showers.
But I am also able to provide a creation for a bachelorette party.
An actual pan of "this shape" cost $17!
I felt confident enough in myself that I could get this point across without a special pan.
With just 5 cupcakes. Voila.
We aren't into the strippers.
Or drinking.
Or bars.
So we spice up the night in more... ahem, appropriate ways.
Sidenote: It was perfectly shaped and clean in the pan and then when I tried to transfer this item to a plate it got allll messed up so an emergency reconstructive surgery was needed.
Oh yeah and this all happened right as the baby's mom arrived to pick him up so to say the surgery was a little rushed would probably be an understatement.
Good thing I'm not a legit surgeon.
So instead I will just stick to being a woman of {other} multiple talents.
{one} Today is my wonderful husband's birthday!! Happy Birthday, Mr. B! Words can't express how thankful I am for this day and how amazing God is in creating someone so perfect for me.
{two} We had a low key Super Bowl night in the Smelly household. Just me, Mr. B and the pup. And we had way too much food, and I may or may not have shouted partttay when I served the food to Mr. B. Just to make me feel better and lift my self-esteem, ya know.
{three} Mr. B was craving Pigs in a Blanket so we bought some Lit'l Wieners and crescent rolls and made it happen. This event led up to a fact about Mr. B that most likely would have been life changing had I previously learned years ago. He shared that when he was younger his email/screen name was "Lilwieners714". Because he loved those Lit'l Wieners so much, of course. This may have had an influence on my decision to date Mr. B back in the day. As if "lil" isn't bad enough...it's plural "wienerS". That's weird.
{four} We had an awesome day of prayer and fasting with our church on Saturday, which I hope to be posting about sometime this week.
{five} It's almost noon and I am still in my PJs and looking a little on the scary side so I am thinking that I have no other misc facts to share at the moment and I should probably go get ready since I need to meet my friend in an hour.
1. Ben tested negative for Celiac Disease. I never thought we would be bummed about this news, ha! We were. We were really hoping this would be the culprit. So now we are back to square one, which sucks. A lot. But we are still trying to remain hopeful! I am so thankful that we can put our faith and worries in the hands of the Lord. Of course, it is in our human nature to question and to be frustrated, but knowing that He has a perfect plan gives us some peace. And I sound like a broken record, I know. But I kind of feel like this season of our life is like that too so that's just how it works out at the moment :)
2. Samoas are not cut from the Girl Scout cookie list!!!! There was rumor that Samoas didn't make the list and I was about to throw a hissy fit. Or maybe I did. My mind could not even fathom why they would pick Do-Si-Dos over Samoas. They already got rid of my favorite, Juliets, years ago...now this?! I was feeling confident that the end of the world was near. But fear not, Mama G confirmed that that was a rumor and we can resume back to our normal life knowing that the chocolate-coconut-party-in-the-mouth-goodness will be returning. Thank you Jesus.
3. Tomorrow is a day of prayer and fasting at our church. The day will be cut into different segments of prayer and worship. Please let me know if you have any prayer request! I know I have my list, and it's a list that seems to get longer each day and I would love to lift up anything that you need prayer for too. It can be specific, it can be vague, it can be praise, it can be healing...anything. Please let me know through comment or email.
We would love to pray for you and strengthen the body of Christ and carry each others' burdens.
That is my phone vibrating in the very first second that may or may not sound like a toot, fart, passing gas {get it...this is a dialect post. ha...ha...ha}.
Also, I don't really talk out of the side of my mouth.
I think it's the way I had the computer positioned.
Or maybe I do.
Who knows.
I don't know how to change the size therefore half of the video is cut off.
But that's ok.
This is about my voice, after-all.
