Sometimes.

* A much needed venting/therapeutic post about our journey in trying to expand our family. We are approaching our 5th month of trying.
Dear Smelly Baby....


Sometimes I can't sleep at night because I am thinking of you.

Sometimes I cry.

Sometimes I wonder what is taking so long.

Sometimes I realize it could be longer.

Sometimes I'm scared.

Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong.

Sometimes I wonder if it's me.

Sometimes I wonder if it's him.

Sometimes I wonder what the Lord is waiting for.

Sometimes I wonder why me?

Sometimes I wonder why us?

Sometimes I wonder why her?

Sometimes I wonder when?

Sometimes I walk by the baby aisle and dream.

Sometimes I walk by the baby aisle and pray.

Sometimes I walk by the baby aisle and plead.

Sometimes I look in the room I have set up for the baby I watch and wish it was your room.

Sometimes I am tired of pretending my dog is my baby.

Sometimes I just want you. 

Sometimes I'm jealous.

Sometimes I'm envious.

Sometimes I don't understand.

Sometimes I get nervous.

Sometimes I get mad.

Sometimes I feel like no one understands.

Sometimes I get frustrated.

Sometimes I don't want to hear you're still young.

Sometimes I don't want hear God has a plan.

Sometimes I need to hear that.

Sometimes I don't want to hear don't try and it will happen.

Sometimes I don't get that.

Sometimes I am at peace.

Sometimes I am hopeful.

Sometimes I wonder what I will look like carrying you in my belly.

Sometimes I wonder how sweet your daddy will look when he is holding you in his arms.

Sometimes I wonder what you will look like.

Sometimes I wonder if you will have blonde hair and blue eyes like your daddy.

Sometimes I wonder if you will have brown hair and brown eyes like your mommy.

Sometimes I wonder if you will inherit my dimple in your precious little smile.

Sometimes I wonder how much longer.

Sometimes I wonder how much longer  I can take.

Sometimes I feel like my heart is going to explode because I already love you so much.

All times, I love you and pray that I can meet you soon. 

All times,  I believe I am  meant to be a mom. 

Even when I was a little girl, I believed.

Someday that will be me and you.

Sold.

But not really.

image

EVERY.TIME I see the easytone commercial I want these sneakers so bad.

I want a booty like that. 

I want to dance in them like that.
I want legs like that.

I fall into the trap.

I need these sneakers.

I have looked them up online numerous times,
but I just can't get myself to spend that much money on a pair of sneakers.

It may or may not be because I don't even have that much money to begin with {slight problem}

but....even if I did, could I really spend $100 on a pair of sneakers??

But...they are more than just sneakers.

But...I normally only pay $15-$30 max on sneakers.

But...I hardly even wear sneakers let alone work out.

But...these would make me want to work out for a week or two.
But...my birthday is coming up.....

But...do I really want to waste a birthday present on sneakers??

I don't think so, as tempting as that commercial is.

And seriously, it is tempting.

Dontcha think??

So instead I will ask for this for my birthday

image

Because that is way more exciting.

Or not.

But it is a legit necessity. 

Anyone have the easytone sneakers??

What are some products you see on TV that you really want?

I won't even start with all the infomercials that I want...

Top Two Tuesday: Favorite Old Pictures

I love today's topic for T2T. It is so fun to look back at old pictures! Let's just pause for a second and think about pictures....aren't they amazing?!? What a great idea!  I am so thankful for pictures and for the ability to capture such sweet moments because life passes by so quickly!

Ok, blogger is being so weird! It's making that paragraph bold, italicized and underlined and not letting me make it normal! So I guess it will have to stay like that and it just makes my statement that much more profound. Right? Maybe it's a new auto-profound thing that was invented. If they think you're statement is worth extra emphasis or something. Maybe not...

Anyways here is my number 1 favorite old picture. I am pretty sure that for the past 15 years I have given this picture to my dad in some shape or form for his birthday or Father's Day. I love it. Hopefully he does too.

Number 2 is a picture of my little brother when he was about 2.5 I think. He is now 11 and has this same quirky lovable personality. This picture cracks me up and is so adorable. He is dressed and ready for a big "swim"!

Misc. Monday

{one} Roxie is doing much better. Her eye is about 99% back to normal which is a huge relief. She is also back to her normal self since her surgery on Wednesday.  The tricky part has been keeping her inactive for 10 days. We have 5 down and 5 more to go. For your information, trying make a puppy not act like a puppy is nearly impossible. Cabin fever has set in. She's going crazy.

{two} Speaking of the pup {When am I not? I know, I know I'm pathetic.} Mr B found this picture he took about a month ago on his phone that we forgot about and it is so stinkin' cute! 

{three} This morning when the baby that I watch was dropped off the dad handed him over to me as soon as he walked in the door and said "Good Luck". That's always reassuring. I'm expecting this to be a long Monday.

They had a stare down for about 5 minutes.

I'm not sure who won,  but they didn't appreciate me interrupting by taking a picture.

{four} We had some friends over {who are getting married in February!!} on Friday night for dinner, game and chocolate fondue. de.lish.

Strawberries and bananas are my favorite, but Emily brought over a bunch of new things to try!

{five} Our landlord put up these little awnings yesterday and I am not quite sure how I feel about them. Not that I have any say anyways, but I think they make the place look a little cheap. I am not a fan of change, so maybe it will just take some getting used to. 

{six} We have officially turned the heat on in our place and it feels so good. 

{seven} We started Roxie on a new diet this weekend. I still can't really believe we are doing it, but so far it has been great. I did a lot of research and we have decided to try it's the... raw diet. Have you heard of it? Do you do it?? Know of anyone who does it?? It's supposedly really good for her and it's saving us money so we are giving it a try. She loves it so far!

Puppy Problems

We have had our hands full and our bank account empty over here in The Smelly Life.

Last Monday I posted this picture of my cute little pup who was all cuddled up on my lap trying to keep warm.

Let me add a sidenote that, for once, Mr. B and I had were fairly on track with our money and even had a little extra in savings.

I guess in the end the whole point in having savings is to use in case of emergency.

We just didn't expect the emergency to be quite so soon.

Although, we should've expected it because last time we had money in savings our car went in needing an oil change and came out with an oil change, alignment and three new tires costing us not $30, but $400.

Such is {grown-up}life.

My cute little puppy woke up from her nap and I noticed that her eyelid was staying up instead of  tucking under her skin like usual. 

Thank the Lord, eyes are not typically like because I'm not gonna lie- this was gross. 

It needed to go back where it belonged.

Under the skin.

It was all red and slimy looking.

I gave her a bath, hoping that it would just wash it's way back down.

That was unsuccessful.

I used a warm wet cloth all through out the day.

That was unsuccessful.

I gave her a benedryl, thinking maybe it was some allergic reaction.

That was unsuccessful.

I gave it some time to see if it would heal, trying to avoid going to the money sucking vet, if possible.

That was unsuccessful.

It got worse.

Grosser.

Sadder.

I felt so bad for my poor little pup.

Not only was it disgusting to look at, I could tell it was really bothering her too. 

She was acting and eating fine, but she would paw at her face every so often trying to fix it.

First thing Wednesday morning, I took her to the vet. 

Dreading the cost, but knowing she needed some medication.

She is officially petrified of the vet so we did the whole I-drag-her-in-work-up-a-sweat-become-all-flustered-drag-her-to-the-scale-to-be-weighed-she-runs-away-I-bend-down-to-pick-her-up-my-butt-crack-shows-to-the-world-I-am-oh-so-classy-I-finally-get-her-on-the-scale-and-then-we-repeat-to-get-her-in-the-exam-room.

  Oh the joys of the vet.

The Dr. comes in. 

Takes a look.

Doesn't know what it is.

Suggests taking a bunch of different tests.

I feel pressured.

Just give me eye drops and I'll be on my way. Thanks.

Except, I don't have the guts to say that so in real life I say "Ok"

She does test number 1. 

$17.

"Nope, she has no scratch in her eye!"

Awesome..there goes $17 in .001 seconds.

Test number 2.

$20

"No problem with her tear ducts!"

Wonderful...20 more dollars down the drain.

Test number 3.

$18.

"Eye pressure looks perfect!"

Perfectttt....18 more dollars and we still don't know.

No diagnosis, but eye drops to see if they help.

$11.

Total spent on the inconclusive appointment: $111.

The eye drops didn't seem to be helping.

It looked like it was getting worse.

I was really worried it was cherry eye and we were going to have to spend $600+ on surgery.

Thankfully, the vet suggested we try eye ointment and ditch the drops.

At an additional $13 this seemed worth it with the thought of expensive surgery in the back of my mind.

Success.

As soon as her eye was just about healed it was time for her scheduled surgery. 

Microchipped and fixed: $233.

Total vet bill in one week: $344

No.one.was.happy.

This was my poor puppy when I picked her up from surgery. She was whining the whole way home, her ears as far back as they could go and her little nub practically in her butt hole. 

{You can see her eye is better though!}

It was so sad.

She was really uncomfortable and by the looks of it, disappointed in us.

And she did this the rest of the night. 

And the majority of today, but she is on her way to recovery!

And I am pretty confident we both hope we won't be visiting the vet anytime in the near future. 

This whole puppy thing isn't cheap, but thankfully she is worth every penny. :) 

A Month Late.

No, I'm not taking about my Aunt Flow.

Although I wish I was.

I'm talking about blogging about our trip to Texas which was Labor day weekend.

I can't even believe it has already been a month!

For once I feel like I have so much to blog about and haven't found the time to blog.

And when I say "so much" that doesn't mean that it's good and/or important things.

I just have a lot of things I took pictures of with the intent to blog about and the days keep passing by so quickly that it finds itself into the "is this really worth posting about" category. Maybe one day it will be shared. Maybe not.

This trip to Texas made the cut though.

It is important because it shows all you smelly followers

  my adorable smelly little nephew.

Unfortunately this little guy lives miles and miles away from us.

I so wish we could be actively involved in his life and he could know who his Uncle B and Auntie J are, that he could be spoiled and kissed by us weekly...but that's not how it is. 

So instead we see him once or twice a year {he's only 22 months, in his 22 months of life that's how it's been}, and we soak in every precious moment with that sweet little boy.

{Also, I appreciate the new blogging picture options, but I am having a hard time easily switching the order- tips?? So these are in complete random order because I am too lazy to fix it. :) }

We got to spend a couple hours after church with just the 3 of us. We stopped at the store and bought him some toys. I guess it's a good thing we live so far away because we could spend so much money on this little man! 

Mr. B showing him some golfing techniques.

I finally got to try a Sonic soda that I hear so much about in the blog world. We don't have any in NH and I have to say...what's the big deal??? I didn't notice anything special. It was plain ol' Barq's rootbeer. Is it the shaved ice that makes it good?? I also tried the cherry-limeade and wasn't a fan of that either. I was pretty disappointed, but proud to say I finally got to try it and see what all the hype is about.

This is one of my favorite pictures. They had fun playing in the pool together.

Another one of my favs. How cute?

This is a room in Mr. B's parents' house that is called the "Red Zone Club", a complete Buffalo Bills room with a giant projector to watch the games. Totally necessary. This is the only thing that Mr. B wants to inherit. {We are still working on rephrasing that statement.}

We flew Jet Blue on the way home and this is by far my favorite airline. ever.  I got to watch live TV the whole time and eat yummy {and as many} snacks as I want and drink a whole can of soda.

 Does it get any better?? 

Having fun on the swings. 

Apparently this is the way to eat a peach. He's got this whole technique down-tippy toes and all. 

He loved being pushed in this little car. And I was able to get my exercise running up and down the hallway. over. and. over. and. over.

Another view of the Red Zone.

Mama K took me to some stores and bought me these super cute shirts from Anthropologie.

I love this little guy so much. He is at the cutest age right now with a quirky personality. 

I can't wait to be with him again for Thanksgiving!

We spent a beautiful day on Lake Travis. It was so nice jet skiing in warm water! 

It makes for a totally different experience!

We got to eat at one of our favorite sub shops that we went to in FL. 

There are none in NH and we crave it all the time!

One more month until I can hold him again!!

So excited to be driving the boat!

Love his big brown eyes.

And his long beautiful lashes.

Another long weekend begins tomorrow!! 

Misc. Monday

{one} I really shouldn't be blogging or spending anytime watching TV today. I have 3 and a 1/2 days left to finish in my Bible Study before our meeting tonight. I have only had two weeks to finish so... gimme a break. 14 days to finish 5 days of study... seemed so easy when that was mentioned the first night.

{two} Has anyone ever done an inductive Bible study? It's a lot of work, but I am sure totally worth it. I guess I will find out later today when that is all I am doing.

{three} This weekend I attended a Beth Moore conference and it was so good. I will post some highlights of that later this week. maybe.

{four} Notice a trend? This isn't exactly the fall weather I was looking forward to....

This was the weather last week.

This is the weather this week...

{five} Of course, it's a given that due to the circumstances of the weather the Shred will not be seen this week either.

{six} We are refusing to put the heat on this early even though our house is fairly cold, so little miss Roxie spent her morning like this. 

It's a win-win. We save money and she cuddles that much more. 

{seven} I have a funny story to share that has to do with this picture...

Any guesses??