Today I am tired.
Tired of waiting.
Tired of constantly being stuck in this two week cycle.
Tired of disappointment.
Tired of starting my period.
Waiting two weeks.
Trying.
Waiting two weeks.
Unsuccessful.
Wait two weeks.
Try again.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Tired.
Tired of trying not to try.
Isn't that an oxymoron anyways?
This month for the first time we tried not to try.
Whatever the heck that means.
You think about not trying while trying, knowing it's the best time to try and still secretly hope it works.
Tiring.
Today I am half way through my two weeks of waiting.
I'm tired of this game.
Of the unknown.
The expectations.
The questions.
The hopefulness.
The let downs.
The confusions.
I'm tired of not being content.
I follow Kari Jobe on twitter and a few weeks ago her status was
"God is an on time God. His ways are higher..we just have to be willing to trust..even when it's very uncomfortable."
This is, for sure, a very uncomfortable situation. A situation where we have no control. Where we do all that we can, but in the end He is the one that performs that miracle and creates life.
Praise the Lord for His grace, mercy and love. For saving my soul and allowing me to put my trust in Him. I can't imagine going through this journey without the hope I have in Him and His plan for Mr. B and I.
Although I have my angry moments, my sad moments and my tired moments, I still take hold that He knows what is best.
I am thankful for a God who is my strength when I am weak.
And when I am tired.
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalms 56:8