I wish it was May.
I wish we lived close to family.
I wish we would find out about a job for Mr. B. now.
I wish we could get our little boxer pup. now.
I wish we had a baby. now.
I wish I never had to leave my most favorite nanny job. ever.
I wish the weather would warm up.
I wish we had more money so I didn't have to work.
I wish we could eat out whenever I wanted or didn't feel like cooking.
I wish my hair would grow faster.
I wish I never cut it.
I wish I could cut it short again.
I wish I wasn't SO indecisive.
I wish we had cable and a DVR.
I wish I could be on What Not To Wear.
I wish Ellen was on at 9 in the morning instead of at 4.
I wish I got out of work in time to watch Oprah.
I wish, on the rare occasions that I am home by 4, I wouldn't have to choose between Ellen or Oprah.
I wish I could have the 30 Day Shred body without the 30 day exercise part.
I wish...I wish...I wish...I can wish all I want, but where does that get me besides not being thankful for what I do have? If anything, it makes me focus what I don't have which puts quite the damper on my mood. Not sure that I had a good mood to begin with, hence this I wish life was how I wanted it and then I would be happy post, but we can pretend I was. So enough with the wishing and on with the the waiting. I will try my best to be content where God has called Mr. B and I to be right now. Knowing He has a plan and purpose and works everything in His perfect timing. Romans 8:25 is a verse I came across the other day that is so imperative during this time of planning our next few steps and future plans, "But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently."
I am 1,000% sure my mom will comment and say, "You know what my dad always said, 'If you wish in one hand and spit in the other, all you'll end up with is a hand full of spit'". So I will beat her to it and put it out there. I do realize this is true statement, and I also realize wishing is still fun to do. But most importantly, I realize who holds my wishes and what I need to be doing with those wishes...
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
and He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass ...
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him ..."
(Psalm 37:4-5, 7)
I guess I like to wish because it gives me something to look forward to, a goal, something to attain. That is where my problem is. My wishes have replaced Jesus. They have replaced the thought of what does God have in store for me, for us, right now and in the future. They have replaced the act of fully running the race for His kingdom because I am distracted by running the race to eventually be living a "happier" life filled with babies, a house, a puppy, friends, our home church, and family just a short drive a way.
Key word in both scriptures: patiently. I have a one track mind. Put something in my head and it is all I think about. I am s.l.o.w.l.y (like super slowly) starting attain this attribute. It's hard. But's it's also
hard impossible to get this chapter in our lives back--these moments of just Mr. B and I, alone, together in Florida, extremely limited funds, seeking after God, living in the unknown and pressing on to what the future holds. So although it's nice to make a list of a million wishes. It's important to be patient. To wait in confidence. To commit our ways to the Lord. To take delight in where he has us. NOW.
I thought I would like this Wednesday theme and then it took a totally different turn as it made me sound like a complaining brat and the realization that I really need to just live in the moment, stop dreaming about how our life is going to be better, and stop believing that the grass is always greener. I heard a saying once that the grass is always greener where it's watered. So from now on I will water our grass and make it the greenest. With only 2 and half months left (Thank you Jesus!!! I didn't know this time would ever come!! Oops, ok that was my last time....maybe second to last. Actually, I think it's ok to be excited for a countdown, right?) in FL, I am going to soak in this time with my husband, and look forward to our future rather than dwell on it.
I have been dealing with this issue from when first got married. I remember driving home one day listening to the words to Trace Atkins song, You're Gonna Miss This and it hit me. Now, I have heard it a million times before (it's even my ringtone!), but there is one verse in particular that Trace wrote about me (without my permission, but I forgive):
Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It's a nice place
She says It'll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby, just slow down
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
And since this post ended up being so serious, here's a picture to lighten the mood a little. I can't mention him in a post without adding this picture. He may know how to right good songs, but he might not know his pant size....or maybe he does and he likes to show off his goods. Or maybe I am a perv? I know Mr. B and the guys in my family think so, but c'mon now, how can you not notice??
Bahahah :) You're welcome.
Thanks for putting up with this roller coaster of a post. Now that I officially have 35 followers (woot woot! Blogging self-esteem raised a few notches) and other invisible stalkers, I am held accountable to my words and actions more than ever. Not gonna lie, I was hesitant to post it. But I know it will be good for me!
Happy Wednesday! We have made it half way through the week!!